Rumpology or “bottom reading” is a pseudoscience performed by reading the lines, crevices, dimples, warts, moles and folds of a person’s buttocks in much the same way a chirologist would read the palm of the hand.
The American astrologer Jackie Stallone claims that rumpology is known to have been practiced in ancient times by the Babylonians, the Indians, and the Ancient Greeks and Romans, although she provides no evidence for this claim. Stallone has been largely responsible for the supposed “revival” of rumpology in modern times.
Rumpologist have a variety of theories as to the meaning of different posterior characteristics. According to Stallone, the left and right buttocks reveal a person’s past and future, respectively, although she has also commented that “The crack of your behind corresponds to the division of the two hemispheres of the brain”. According to blind German clairvoyant and rumpologist Ulf Beck, “[a]n apple-shaped, muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative. A person who enjoys life. A pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient and down-to-earth.”. The British rumpologist Sam Amos also uses shape to diagnose personality, and claims that “A round bottom indicates the person is open, happy and optimistic in life. However, a flat bottom suggests the person is rather vain and is negative and sad.”
Rumpology can be performed either by sight, touch or by using buttock prints. In addition to live readings, Jackie Stallone will perform buttock readings using e-mailed digital photographs, and has claimed to predict the outcome of Presidential elections and Oscar awards by reading the bottoms of her two pet Doberman Pinschers. Ulf Buck claims he can read people’s futures by feeling their naked buttocks.